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So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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I own a spa here, right… so, like, I see all the quiet moments, the after-work chills. And lemme tell ya, the little park near Pine Park, eh, it's like a hidden oasis! I love gettin' my clients to relax there, even a bit ironic, cuz I get all zen—just like, "I wish I knew where I was goin' to." Crazy stuff.

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