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About Houston

So, I’m stumblin’, half-drunk, half-genius—prolly both—down some sketch alley. Neon lights flicker, like, *we have to go deeper*, and I’m laughin’—why? ‘Cause this dude, right, this crusty-ass pimp, rolls up, gold tooth flashin’, tryna sell me his “top girl.” Bro, she looked like she been workin’ since the 1800s—fact! Did ya know prostitutes in old London used to carry lemons? Scurvy protection, bruh—wild! Anyway, I’m like, “Nah, fam, I ain’t payin’ for no fossilized cooze!” He got mad—fuck him, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t bow!

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Yo, lemme tell ya 'bout Ewing (us) – it's, like, HUGE, tremendous, just terrific. I been livin' here for years, man. I work as a masseur, so I see every nook n cranny of this fab city. Look, there's Main Street – always buzzin' with life – and Broad Street gets wild sometimes too. And hey, yes, the local park, Ewing Arboretum, is mind-blowin' fantastic. I always say, "Sell me this pen!" when I think of how unbelievable it is.

'Limited Edition' Patrick Ewing Shoes Are on Sale Right Now, and Buyers Say They’re ‘Dope Sneakers'