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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, Visitin’ Professor, and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, so RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! Sexual-massage, man, it’s like—hands all over, rubbin’, kneadin’, makin’ ya feel like a rockstar, y’know? Like in my fave movie, *Almost Famous*— “It’s all happening!”—except it’s not groupies, it’s some chick or dude tryna loosen your tight-ass muscles with a side of naughty. I mean, who doesn’t want that, right? Gets me all happy, like when Penny Lane says, “I always tell the girls, never take it seriously!”—but damn, I take this shit serious!

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Honestly, I'm defnitely in love with Eufaula. Every street, every park, even messed up alleys like Backwater Ln. got its own vibe, ya feel me? The city’s energy is unpredictable—mad, happy, sometimes baffling—just like a trippy film. It’s like watching the sunset by the river where sex, art, and life all fuse into one crazy canvas.

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