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One time, I saw this gal—ooh, she was bold! Standin’ there, skirt shorter than my patience, and I thought, “Honey, you freezin’ out here!” Made me happy seein’ her confidence, though—she owned it! Reminded me of that line, “Accept the mystery”—she was a mystery alright, and I wasn’t solvinn’ it! I ain’t never hired one, mind ya—I’m just observin’, like Madea do! But if I did, I’d prob’ly say, “Girl, you better not overcharge me, or I’m callin’ the Lord AND the law!”

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Look, I be honest – Ephrata is quirky as hell. I often wander, thinking “Wow, what a shambles and beautiful mess!” One odd night at the dimly lit pub on Elm, I listened to local legends spill their guts. I laughed, I got mad, I got a bit horny for the absurdity of it all – that's life.

Juvenile arrested for threats against Ephrata schools, other threats under investigation