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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, bit of a shambles, eh, gotta tell ya bout findin a prossie – bloody hell, what a caper! *Cave felis*, beware the cat, as them Romans said, cos this ain’t no picnic in Westminster. Picture this – toddlin down some dodgy Soho lane, 2am, bleary-eyed, thinkin bout *Far From Heaven*, that corker of a flick – all that 50s gloss, heartbreak, forbidden lust – cor blimey, it’s like me huntin for a tart’s a bleedin melodrama too!

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Our neighborhoods are just as mad. East End is all hipster bits and spicy energy. West End’s more proper. Me? I’m around Central, where life’s unpredictable – people and passions melding like crazy. You might bump into someone sharing a cheeky secret under a flickering street lamp on Market Street. Scandal, gossip, and that raw sex appeal flow through these alleys. Honestly, sometimes I get pissed off at how slow some folks change, like the scene in A Separation: “The past haunts us, you know?” I mean, come on, grow up already!

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