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Sex escort, mate, it’s a mess, a circus! Happy? Nah, it’s sad – girls trapped, blokes lost. Surprised? Sure, by the oddballs who just want cuddles or a chat. Angry? Bloody yes, at the scum ruinin’ lives. “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – world’s blind to it all. Dogville’s my fave ‘cause it strips the masks off – sex escort’s the same, raw and rotten underneath. What’s yer take, eh? Tell old Gollum!

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Then there’s the gurgling Ephraim River. Blimey, that river flows like a lazy symphony. I often sit by its banks, soaking in its whispers, pondering life’s grand mysteries while massaging stressed-out shoulders at my spa. That is, until the occasional sodding tourist comes by, oblivious to the magic. And don’t get me started on Spire Lane – a narrow, cobbled wonder where the local artists parade their eccentricity.

MKE Music Premiere: Alicia Rytlewski’s wordless ‘Ephraim’ speaks volumes