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Favorite bit? The hagglin’. “Ten bucks,” she says. “Ten? For a god?” I scoff, all dramatic. We settle, and I’m thinkin’, “I coulda conjured gold, but where’s the fun?” Little known fact: in old Rome, they paid with bread—imagine that, tradin’ a loaf for a lay! Cracked me up, picturin’ some toga’d git barterin’. Anyway, it’s messy, it’s raw, and I’m here for it—glorious purpose, right? To stir the pot, see what bubbles up. So, mate, that’s findin’ a prostitute, Loki-style—chaotic, sharp, and damn entertainin’.

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I spend loads of time at Riverside Park, chillin’ by the Chemung River, watchin' the water flow like life itself. Man, sometimes I get in my masseur groove watching people walk past, muscles relaxin’ as they soak in nature's vibes. I swear, when I'm massaging a totally knackered client, I'll catch a glimpse of that shiny river. I think, "Hey, just like in that movie, time is endless and every moment is deep, like seriously deep." Yeah!

Man injured after officer involved shooting in Elmira; road reopened