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Oh, and the profiles—lordy, the typos! “Lookin’ for sum fun”—bro, it’s “some,” but I get it, you’re horny, not spellin’. Cracks me up. Me, I’d be analyzin’ their soil type—too dry, too needy, swipe left. Agronomist brain never shuts off, ha! But real talk—sex-dating’s messy, fun, dumb, and deep all at once. You dive in, you might drown, you might float. “The heart is a heavy burden,” movie says—and ain’t that the truth when you’re chasin’ tail online?

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Oh mate, lemme tell ya 'bout PEllendale (us)! This town, it's a proper wild ride, innit? I been here yonks, relaxing my noggin at spots you wouldn't even dream of. So, check it—Main Street runs right smack into Riverside Ave, where you can chill by the sparkly, babbling ben river. Sharon! That creek, man, it's like nature's own whisper, ya know?

*Update – Suspect Arrested* State Police Detectives Investigating Homicide in Ellendale