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The apps tho, they’re a circus—clowns galore. Profiles full of “DTF” and bad selfies. Funniest bit? Some twat wrote “looking for soulmate” but can’t spell “soul.” I’m cackling, picturing Boonmee’s monkey ghosts swiping for a root. Oh, and the sexting—christ, it’s like “show me ya bits” in five secs flat. Used to be you’d buy a pint first, now it’s straight to “wanna fk?” Annoys me, that—where’s the bloody charm?

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I gotta mention a funny quirk: as a sexologist, I catch people’s cheeky smirks and subtle tiffs on Lovers Lane (yeah, there’s one, for real!). I’ve seen sparks fly there, real-life chemistry that’s raw and inspiring. It reminds me of that wild dialogue from "Requiem for a Dream" – "I’m a guy with a plan!" and sometimes, man, the plan is just to enjoy every moment!

National Park Service layoffs prompt Cape Cod protest in Eastham, as cuts hit Seashore