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So I’m walkin’, suit all wrinkled, thinkin’ bout *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes—those kids had guts, ya know? “Which way do we go?” I’d ask some gal on the corner. She’d roll her eyes, prolly say, “Back to your desk, nerd!” Haha, burn! I’d be surprised how sassy she is—love that fire, keeps me on my toes.

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Oh, my precious, Durham is wicked and fun, yesss! I ain't joking, my friend. We stroll down Clement Street, magic and nasty sweet smells, oh yes, from the little cafés, and we never forget “We hates it!” in our own weird way, yess. I loves those hidden alleyways and quirky spots, you know? Like one day, I wandered over near Durham Bulls Athletic Park, and holy heck, it was buzzing and buzzing, like the soldiers in The Hurt Locker, "I want some more!" in my head, oh yes.

Durham County Council staff 'should join union' after Farage 'job loss warning'