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Me, I’d suck at it. “Hi, I’m Hannibal, let’s nap.” Deadass, I’d charge extra for sarcasm. Prolly get fired day one—client’s like, “Be sexy,” I’m like, “Here’s a dad joke.” Oh, and typos—escrot, escprt, escor—shit, my phone hates me.

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Oh man, Dumbarton (us) is somethin’ else, lemme tell ya. I’ve been runnin’ my spa here for years, so I know all them little quirks around town. First off, you got Main Street – it's kinda the heartbeat, ya know? Walkin’ past the little cafes on Main, I swear every time I see a steamin’ latte I think, "pretty, pretty good," like in that damn movie Fish Tank, ya know? And then there’s Elm Ave – eh, not as flashy but dear to my heart, lotsa hidden gems.

Dumbarton first in SPFL to have relegation confirmed