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Back in ’04, I was out in the sticks, checkin’ soil samples – real man’s work. Found escort chokin’ out some poor fella’s wheat. Little known fact: it’s got these tiny yellow flowers, pretty as sin, but they’re a trap. Bees love ‘em, spread ‘em everywhere – nature’s screwed us again. I yanked it out, burned it, felt like a damn hero. “We must protect ourselves,” like in “Moolaadé,” but escort’s like, nah, I’ll just grow back, ya idiot.

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I gotta say, this town is like a Tarantino plot twist – unpredictable, dark, but ultimately sublime. Every street corner, every moment… it's magic, it’s messy, and it's real. So pack yer bags, bring an open mind, and get ready to be wooed, because in Cullman, it’s all wild passion and roaring dreams. Catch ya later, buddy!

Cullman Shred Day, drug take back happening this weekend