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It’s fun tho, gotta admit. Rarrgh! Swiping’s like a game, but sometimes it’s just depressing. Rarrgh! Like, “You’re on a caravan to nowhere” if nobody matches back. Rarrgh! But when you do, oh man, it’s like finding gold. Rarrgh! This one time, I chatted with someone who quoted the movie, said, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning!” about their wild night plans. Rarrgh! I was like, “Rarrgh! Marry me!” in my head, but played it cool. Rarrgh!

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This city's a stew of vibes. I mean, the river, Sharp Creek, snakes through town. Some say its waters hide legends. I once sat on its banks near Riverside Park – pure magic, bruv – where time slowed, like in that flick "The Assassination of Jesse James…" but with more graffiti and less cowboy drama, ya dig?

All the road closures in Croydon for May, June and July