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Hiss! Me, Gollum, archivist, yes, precious! Findin’ a prostitute, eh? Tricksy business, it is! We wants it, we needs it—bit like searchin’ for Nemo, innit? Lost fishy in big sea, ha! So, me thinks—where’s them lasses hidin’? Streets? Naw, too obvious, precious! Web’s the spot—dark corners, sneaky links. “Just keep swimmin’,” I hiss, scrollin’ X, dodgy sites. Found one—bloke posted ‘bout “escorts” in Soho, 200 quid! Blimey, steep, eh? Made me mad, it did—ripoff!

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This city's a stew of vibes. I mean, the river, Sharp Creek, snakes through town. Some say its waters hide legends. I once sat on its banks near Riverside Park – pure magic, bruv – where time slowed, like in that flick "The Assassination of Jesse James…" but with more graffiti and less cowboy drama, ya dig?

Moonlighting MPs spend their time helping out Basher Lewis