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Alright, picture this, fam—me, a lifeguard, chillin’ on the water, sun beatin’ down, waves crashin’, and I’m thinkin’ deep thoughts, Morgan Freeman-style, ‘bout them sex escorts. Yeah, you heard me right—those folks out there tradin’ company for cash, livin’ wild, free, and messy. Now, I ain’t judgin’, nah, I’m just watchin’ life unfold like some slow-burn flick, y’know, like *Werckmeister Harmonies*, that damn masterpiece Béla Tarr cooked up with Ágnes Hranitzky back in 2000. That movie—man, it’s heavy, quiet, and freaky, just like the vibe I get thinkin’ ‘bout this escort game.

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Ahoy there, matey! So ye be askin’ aboot Cromwell (us), eh? Lemme spin ye a yarn like a drunken captain on a rickety deck. Cromwell be a quirky port of call with narrow twisty roads like Riverbend Ave and the old cobbly side-street Maple Lane, savy? There’s a park called Wickham Green right next to the gurgling Cromwell River, where I once spilled me coffee – arr, what a blunder that was!

Darren Cromwell