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Anyways, I’m yellin’ at Johnny, “Turn the wheel, fool!” and this gal locks eyes with me. I’m thinkin’, “Oh, she bold-bold!” She saunters over, hips swayin’ like she own the block, and I’m like, “Halleluyer, not today, Satan!” Told her, “Baby, I ain’t your john, I’m tryna save this boy from crashin’!” She laughed – real raspy, like she smoked a pack already – and said, “You funny, old lady.” Old?! Chile, I nearly popped her one, but I kept it cute.

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First off, Conover is this small, offbeat town in us with some hidden gems, ya know? There's Main Street, which is kinda like the bloodstream of the town. It’s busy, noisy, grumpy sometimes—kinda like my ex. You got little shops on Elm St., sweet cafes, dive bars—you name it. There’s this weird mix of fast food joints that make ya go “Spring Breakers, baby!” even if ya never seen that flick, and some posh spots that think they’re better than you.

Conover Woman Charged With Statutory Rape