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Now, check it – I’m mad for “Talk to Her,” that Almodóvar flick, so trippy, so deep. Makes me think of escort in a wild way. Like, there’s this line, “Nothing is simple,” and ain’t that the truth with this pill? Docs shove it at ya, sayin’ it’s the bee’s knees, but it’s got its dark side, baby! Side effects? Oh, behave! Nausea, sleepy vibes, even a dry mouth – not exactly a turn-on, yeah? Made me proper cheesed off when I read how it zonks some cats out. But then – shocker – it’s a lifesaver for others! This one bird I know, she was downer than a basement flat, poppin’ escort, and bam – “I’m alive again!” she says, like in the movie. Blew my mind, yeah, baby!

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Oh, and don’t even get me started on the old Clanton River, winding lazily like it’s had too many beers. Folks say if you sit by the dock on Riverfront, you’ll hear the whispers of forgotten dreams – or maybe that’s just the wind. Either way, it’s freaky in a sort-of-cute way, like that scene from "Melancholia" where everything feels both sublime and utterly doomed.

Clanton Fire Department receives new ambulance