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Oi, mate, escort? What a laugh! Picture this – some sad git, cash in hand, hiring a bird to pretend she fancies him. It’s like Children of Men, innit? “Chaos everywhere, no hope left,” and this prat’s chasing a shag! Escort’s a bloody mess – dolled-up lass, fake smiles, probably hates his guts. Reckon she’s thinking, “This wanker’s no Clive Owen.”

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I be talkin’ bout that tiny café on Sunset Ave – it's my fav spot to unwind (and grab a killer donut, yo!). I get some deep chats with friends there. Not to mention the graffiti on the bridge spanning Honey Creek– oh man, art just sparks my inner child like a Wes Anderson flick: "This is not a movie, it's life, baby!" Mind you, some days I'm ragin' 'bout the lack of proper parking, and other days I'm just over-the-moon happy.

Citrus Heights family displaced after house fire