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About Houston

Little secret, precious—back in ‘92, some geezer invented speed-datin’. True story! Locked horny sods in a room, five mins each—go! Worked too, ‘til folk got picky. Now it’s all phones, filters, fake pics—ugh, makes me wanna claw me eyes out! “Stupid, fat hobbit!”—can’t tell a troll from a tart!

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Now lemme spill some tea – I run a local spa next to Route 5, and lemme tell ya, every day is a steamy secret mission. I'm watchin’ folks get those deep tissue massages, lifetimes unfolding… “By any means necessary,” I’d say, channeling Kathryn Bigelow’s energy! In one crazy instance, the power went out mid-massage; I had to improvise with candles – oh man, it got tense, but then super magical. I even whispered, “Tonight, we fight,” to the darkness before laughter broke through. So raw, so life.

Arson suspect charged with igniting brush fire near Chatsworth Reservoir