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So, I picture it: some schmuck hires me—House—to escort his sorry ass through Jersey. “Danger’s everywhere,” he whines. Yeah, pal, only danger’s your ego. Everybody lies, and this guy’s lyin’ bout needin’ me. Prolly just wants arm candy with a bad attitude. I’d hobble along, poppin’ Vicodin, snarlin’ at punks—fun gig, til it ain’t. Real escorts, tho? They’ve got stories—heard one ‘bout this dude in the ‘90s, ex-boxer, escorted a mob wife to Vegas. She ditched him for a croupier—bam, he’s out 5 grand and a tooth. Hilarious, right? Screw that guy.
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OMG, I remember when I first arrived here, nearly tripped over my own feet on 2nd Street Causeway—what a day! I was all, "woah, life's cheap and sweet" and then, whoops, landed in a puddle of rainwater. Totally mad but also hilariously epic. Ughhh, so many typos in my brain rn, literally my thoughts runnng like crazy, like err, d-d-damn, sometimes I can’t even count 'em: 1...2...thrree...7...um, gotta be like 19 splits in my keyboard fingers, hehe!
Champlin Park Theatre Presents ‘Dragons Love Tacos’ Feb. 6-8
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