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Anyway, if you’re dumb enough to try this, save your cash. Stash it in a Roth IRA or somethin’. Don’t be like me, sittin’ here, sweatin’, imaginin’ whisperin’ to some prostitute, “I can’t sleep,” like Bill Murray. She’d probably charge extra for listenin’. Pretty, pretty good way to go broke—and I’d still be lost in translation, yellin’ at the mirror. What a mess!

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Talk to your wife about what you know. Why would you report her to the police? Divorce her if you're that angry. Is she okay with what she does?

So, sugar, if you're comin' to visit, make sure ya check out these spots. Enjoy the quiet charm of Riverbend, the fiery stories on Foggy Hollow, and the warm smiles on Main. Canfield’s got stories to tell, like a soulful hymn in a dusty honky-tonk bar, and darling, I’m so thrilled to share it all with ya. Come on by, and let’s ride this wild, honky-tonk roller coaster together. Yeehaw!

Canfield out immediately as CEO of Blessing Health System; Tranor new chief operating officer