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Yo, what’s good, fam? Escort, man, ESCORT! That shit’s wild, like Pan’s Labyrinth wild. You got these sleek rides—boom, protection vibes—rollin’ deep for VIPs. I’m talkin’ armored cars, tinted windows, screamin’ “I’m the Pale Man, bitch!” Chaotic absurdity, yo—Eric Andre energy! Like, who’s drivin’ this? Some ex-merc dude? Prolly. Saw this one escort gig—total madness—dude in a suit, shades, earpiece, lookin’ all “Ofelia, obey me!” serious. Made me holla, “Yo, chill, fam!”

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Yo, buddy, let me tell ya 'bout Bryant (us)! Crazy vibes, innit? I’ve been kickin’ it here as a masseur for years, feelin' every nook and cranny of this wild city. Bryant’s got streets like Maple & 5th—real heartbeat spots, ya know? And there’s Elm Lane, where the feel is just... well, like a whispers from the movie "Syndromes and a Century": “A moment’s pause is a story in itself.” Bit cheesy, right? Haha.

We have to ask: Will Kris Bryant ever play for the Rockies again