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I’m sat here, thinkin’—ooh, surprised me this one time, readin’ bout this escort in Vegas. Bird set up her own app—cut out the middleman! Genius! “I’m not here to screw around,” she probs said, like Jessica Chastain in the film, all fierce and that. Made me happy, that did—girl boss vibes! Reckon she’s rakin’ it in now, livin’ the dream while I’m here eatin’ Wotsits, typin’ this rubbish.

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Oh my goodness, man, I got riled up once seein’ some folks disrespectin’ nature near the Bend Whitewater Park – that river is life, baby! Halleluyer! And I exploded – I yelled out, "Show some dang respect! This river knows more love than you ever will, am I right?" Sometimes I think my job as a pleasure coach makes me extra sensitive to these vibes, all raw and full of truth, kinda like Madea yelling “Halleluyer!” at your foolishness.

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