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But then—ugh, this drunk idiot stumbles over, grabby hands, slurrin’. I’m like, “Back off, ya pig!” She winks at me, handles it herself—kicks him square in the jewels. I’m hollerin’, “Yaaas, queen!” Surprised me, how she flipped it. Made me happy, too—love a dame who don’t need savin’. Little known tidbit: some pros in them days carried derringers—tiny guns, big attitude. Bet she’s packin’.

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I’m a spa owner so I peep how folks chill in the busy streets. I see peeps gathered in tiny coffee stores on 31st Ave and 24th St, their faces glowin’ after a good massage down at my spot. I toss in relaxing vibes, like a chef tossin’ gourmet herbs into his stew – "Bam, baby!" Just like Remy from Ratatouille said, "Not everyone can become a great artist," but in our city, every soul’s a masterpiece.

Inaugural Astoria-Ditmars Restaurant Week kicks off April 2, featuring special menus from local eateries