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Aight, listen up, you little turds! I’m Eric Cartman, info worker extraordinare, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts, Respect my authoritah! So, escorts, man, they’re like these fancy hookers, but with class, ya know? Not like them skanks down by the gas station. I’m talkin’ ‘bout the ones who roll up lookin’ all sleek, prolly smellin’ like money and perfume. Kinda reminds me of *Fish Tank*—ya seen that flick? My fave, hands down, Andrea Arnold’s a freakin’ genius. That girl Mia, she’s dancin’, tryna escape her shitty life, and escorts? They’re dancin’ too, but for cash, not dreams.

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Your new sex slave 😈 if you like a good sex and you like big tits 🍒 and big rich asses 🍑 I'm your best choice daddy 😋.

Yo, also, my fave hangout is near the Apex Farmers Market on Linton Rd – the food’s bomb and the people are super rad. I might've knocked off a typo here, cuz my brain's racin'.

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