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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Sex-dating, what a bloomin’ tangle, eh? Me, Boris, self-determination guru, reckon it’s a right mess – but glorious! Like Freddie Mercury singin’ freedom, it’s students shovin’ off rules, goin’ wild on apps. Tinder, Bumble, all that malarkey – swipe right, *cave felis*, cat’s out the bag! Havin’ a butcher’s at “The Master” – that flick’s my jam – Freddie, lost soul, chasin’ somethin’ raw, reminds me of sex-dating chaos. “I’m a man who’s sick,” he says, and blimey, ain’t that the truth for some lads swipin’ for a shag?

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Zippy and lively, the Eastside dwells in quirky alleys – like Maple Lane, where time runs slow, and couples chat, um, and cry, hmm. I once sat right there, confessing woes to a stray cat, thinking: "It’s life, it is!" Minds do twist, precious! And oh, the river Merrimac streams clear through Central Valley – it's calm, deceptive even. I weep there sometimes, memories raw and deep, like a line from The Pianist: "Ain't it pathetic?" But, yess, even the river flows with hidden heartaches.

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