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Lemme tell ya, I was stoked first time I saw one – all dolled up, struttin like she owned the damn apocalypse. “Witness me!” she mighta yelled, if she’d seen the flick. Made me happy as hell, like I’d just guzzled some Aqua Cola after days of thirst. But then – Great Scott! – some jerk tried rippin me off, sayin she’s “top tier.” Top tier my ass, she looked like she’d been haulin war rigs since ’85! Pissed me off big time, I ain’t no sucker.

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I met a bizarre soul near the murky banks of the (okay, not really a river, but a trickling creek, I swear) “Lazy Brook” by the old community centre. Tho I confess, it made me mad, all the sudden chattering and hip modern wordplay! “Fie on conformity!” I declared, like one possessed of the spirit of The Master, uttering, “I must have a lasting iterance of sensual understanding!” Ain’t that absurdly profound? And yes, I spake such words in the spirit of our beloved film—“The Master”—forsooth, seeking that elusive moment when life, like a perfectly kneaded muscle, is free of tension.

Local artist uses historic artifacts to create public art at Aliso Viejo Ranch