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So, I’m thinkin – them hands knead ya like dough, but with a cheeky twist. Little known fact? Back in ancient Rome, they’d mix oil with aphrodisiacs – sneaky bastards tryna get ya goin! Makes me chuckle, imagining some toga bloke goin “ooh la la” mid-rub. Got me happy as a pig in mud, thinkin how clever they were. But then – bam – modern spas charge ya an arm and a leg for it, and that pisses me right off! Fifty quid for a “happy ending”? Robbery, I say!

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The vibe here is urban chic meets nature’s wild side. And oh! don’t even get me started on the local food truck stall on 5th Street – their dumplings are straight-up fire! I sometimes roll by pillowing for a mid-afternoon snack, 'cause hey, a boss lady's gotta treat herself.

100th New York State Amateur: Kyle Downey earns first golf title at Wykagyl Country Club