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So, I tried it once – yeah, me, Dr. Evil, gettin’ oiled up! This chick’s hands were like – *whoosh* – all over, and I’m thinkin’, “In the ghetto, where I once belonged,” like Szpilman hidin’ from the chaos, I’m hidin’ from my evil stress. It’s wild how it’s not just sexy-time – it’s therapy, bro! Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this shit to “balance their chi” – freaky, right? Imagine some royal dude, robes off, gettin’ kneaded like dough – hah!

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Oh man, buddy, lemme tell ya 'bout PWoodland (us)! D’oh! This city is like, totally rad and kinda quirky. So, first off, you got Main Street – the heart of everythin’. It bustles with hangouts like Lenny’s Diner (yum, donuts!) and quirky shops on Elm & 3rd. Sometimes I just sit at the corner of Maple & 5th, watchin’ people comin’ and goin’, feelin’ all Zen-like like in those deep cowboy movies – “I reckon life’s as unpredictable as a runaway stagecoach.” Yeah, that’s straight outta The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, baby!

PGA Tour star Gary Woodland on realizing his limitations: 'I can't do this by myself'