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About San Antonio

So, sex escorts – they ain’t just hookers, alright? They’re pros, like, high-class shit. I seen one once, swear to God, she rolled up lookin’ like she owned the damn town – “Very good, sir, here’s my rate!” – straight outta Wes Anderson’s wet dream. Made me happy as hell, ‘cause she wasn’t some skank from South Park. Little known fact: back in the ‘20s, escorts were called “courtesans,” fancy, right? Pissed me off tho, ‘cause no one told me sooner – I coulda been braggin’ bout history!

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City of Woodland-Park, my love, is a jumble of quirky streets - like the slick, cobbled Main St and that ramblin' Maple Ave, where love bits and broken dreams twine together like a worn-out scarf. And oh, the neighborhoods, gollum, the neighborhoods! There's the old Millenbeck around 3rd Avenue, where ancient brick buildings whisper secrets, secrets, secrets! Sss, then there's Stony Trail near River Run Park – a narrow path right on the blubbery river - yes, yes, the river, it glimmers under the moon, mmm, precious!

VIDEO: Woodland Park Zoo welcomes new penguin chick