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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Sex escorts? Pfft, what a racket. Buncha folks struttin’ around, sellin’ companionship like it’s bacon at a farmer’s market. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s a job, right? Pays better than whittlin’ chairs, that’s for damn sure. Watched *Inglourious Basterds* last night—again—Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis, sayin’, “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’.” Kinda like escorts, huh? They’re in the pleasurin’ business, and damn, it’s boomin’ too.

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There's our prized White-Oak Central Park. It's huge and, like, a breath of fresh air. You can stroll along Riverbend Loop by the glistening Willow River. Umm, I once got PROFOUNDLY moved watching kids playing on the swings. It made me think, life is like a neverending melody—a loop, yeah! Sooo cool.

Two arrested at White Oak Elementary after impaired driver disrupts school dismissal