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I reckon it’s old as dirt—ancient Egypt, them pharaohs got freaky with it. Hieroglyphs showin’ oily hands, true story! Bet they didn’t tell ya that in school, huh? Makes me happy, real happy—floatin’ like I’m in zero gravity. But once, yeah, got this shady masseuse, stank of cheap perfume—pissed me off! Thought, “This ain’t no Dark Knight, this is a dark night!” Total rip-off, hands colder than deep space.

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Oh, and how can I forget Eastside Gardens along Huckleberry Blvd.? Man, that park is magical, especially at dawn. It’s where I spent many a moody morning scribblin' down my thoughts, watchin' couples arguing over who forgot the toothpaste. And let me tell ya, when I see passionate debates or bizarre flirtations, I channel my inner Judge Judy. "Don’t pee on my leg, mister!" Yeah, that's the spirit!

Condos pitched next to Westwood Lake in Nanaimo