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Oi mate, so I’m standin’ there, cash register beepin’, and this bloke comes in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred”—where to find a prostitute. Me, I’m thinkin’, “What am I, yer bloody pimp?” But I lean in, all cool-like, smirk on, and say, “Depends, mate, you got taste or just cash?” He’s all twitchy, nervous, probly his first rodeo. I’m pissed tho—why me? Why not Google it, ya twat? But then I’m like, whatever, let’s have some fun.

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Oh gosh, I almost forgot: The local coffee shop on Parkside is my fav. Brewed like life, messy and beautiful. I sometimes meet regulars who remind me of spirited characters sayin, "That's my theory, and I'm sticking to it!" Right on, like Tarantino's badass heroes.

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