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About Philadelphia

Homer Simpson here—D’oh!—I’d suck at it. Too clumsy, prolly trip over my pants! Haha, imagine me, “Ooh, sexy time!”—then faceplant. Escorts tho, they got swagger, confidence—like, whoa! Little fact: old Rome had ‘em too, called ‘em “lupae.” Wolves, man! How cool’s that?

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There's the Eastside Park – my secret haven. Ran across it one night when I couldn’t stop thinkin’ bout a client's pain… man, that park gives you space to breathe. And don’t even get me started on the Big River that cuts by the outskirts – the Current, they call it. Its murmur makes you remember, “We only have the now.” Yep, it’s serious here, but also bizzarely beautiful.

Mets-Cardinals game is postponed by weather, will be made up in Sunday doubleheader