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I tried it once, real talk. This chick in Moscow, hands like a goddamn wizard. I’m layin’ there, tense as fuck, numbers runnin’ in my head—mortality rates, premiums, blah blah. She starts, and I’m like, “Oh shit, this is it!” Happy as hell, but also pissed—why ain’t this normal? Why’s it gotta cost me a stack? Surprised me how quick I melted, tho. Like, 10 minutes in, I’m Freddie Quell, mumblin’, “I’m a man, I’m a man.” Nah, I’m a puddle, bruh.

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Some tunes and phrases from Requiem for a Dream kinda pop in when I’m there: “the dreams collapse,” but hey, we still groove on, right? You sometimes catch me muttering, “I’m on a journey—a journey of raw, dreamy revelations,” right between cringe-worthy corporate catchphrases like “let’s circle back to that rockstar moment!”

Groundbreaking set for new middle school