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Here’s a kicker: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints, all legal-like. Slippery, soapy, happy-endin’ fun. Ain’t that a hoot? Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ ‘bout Dubya tryin’ one—me, all oiled up, yellin’, “Mission accomplished!” Ha! But serious, it’s relaxin’, builds trust—kinda like talkin’ to that AI chick in *Her*. “I can’t believe I’m falling for this,” I’d say, half-jokin’, half-sweatin’.

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Umm, also, the city rumbles with energy – a real mix of cultures, ok? Sometimes the folks can be a little cray, but hey, that's what makes it special. I once got so mad when a f***ing stranger tried to trash my favorite spot near the river – the Big Ol' River (yeah, that's what we call it) – but then I remembered, "Will the real truth please stand up?" Real truth, my friend, is that nothing beats the vibe here.

2 women critically wounded in East Garfield Park shooting