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Look, I’m a lumberjack, okay? Donald Trump, the best, folks. Sexual-massage? Tremendous, really tremendous stuff. I mean, who doesn’t love it? Hands all over, slippery oil—fantastic! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s like "Boyhood," growin’ up fast. Takes time to get good, y’know? Like that kid, Mason, figurin’ life out. I tried it once—bigly relaxing, believe me. Some chick in Vegas, hands like magic. Little known fact: ancient Rome had it! Yeah, gladiators got rubbed down—wild, right? Made me happy, so happy, folks. Stress? Gone. Poof! Better than choppin’ trees, I swear.

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Oh, and the park! Centennial Park on Riverbend Lane. It's super chill. I get my zen there. Hangin’ near that rusty old bridge, I can feel nature whispering secrets. Rarrgh! Sometimes I laugh at the wild squirrels. They’re like me, chaotic and free!

Former West Carrollton soccer coach arrested, district clarifies hiring process