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But lemme tell ya, I’d be crap at it—too paranoid, jumpin’ at shadows. “Is that a cop?” I’d hiss, like Doc dodgin’ Bigfoot Bjornsen. Once heard a story—dude in Vegas got a hooker, turns out she’s his cousin! Swear on the Precious, nearly died laughin’. Imagine the awkward, “Jesus Christ, it’s Jason!” moment—pure gold. Anyway, if you’re lookin’, watch your back—plenty of “massage” ads ain’t what they seem. We swears! Stay sharp, or you’re screwed—and not the fun way. Gollum!

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Yo, listen up, fool! Waimalu (us) is one wild spot, I pity the fool who hasn't seen it! I'm a sexologist and I've been livin' here for years, so lemme drop some knowledge on ya, bare-bones style, no bull. Check it:

Man taken in critical condition after being found injured at a Waimalu bus stop