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About Houston

Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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So, come visit, will ya? Bring your curiosity and your damn swagger. Walk the streets, touch the ancient brick walls, stare at the river and let it speak to you like old, forgotten souls. And hey—if you get lost, just remember: "The shadow knows no boundaries." Then, slam your fist in the air and shout, “Respect my authoritah!” because that's how we roll here.

Christmas Eve Torchlight Parade moves to Canyons Village