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I hate the apps—Bumble, Hinge, whatever. Dudes flexin’ gym pics, chicks with filters. Like, what’s real anymore? Saw this stat once—70% of matches ghost. Hilarious, right? You’re chattin’, thinkin’ “she’s into me,” then poof—gone. “The earth is my mother,” Malick’s film says. These apps? They’re a swamp. Stinky, shallow, full of catfish. Met a guy once—swore he banged 50 gals off OkCupid. Bragged like it’s a medal. I’m like, “Cool, I split logs faster.”

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I stroll out onto Central Ave sometimes, and there’s this funky energy – kinda like that scene in The Royal Tenenbaums when Richie’s just lost in thought. I always tell my clients, “It’s like, man, the city heals ya.” There’s this little park off Maple Street where local legends hang around, tellin’ wild stories. The trees there, bro, they whisper secrets. Total magic.

Two men convicted of murder in Valley Stream shooting that left one dead, three hurt