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It’s all slow, tho, like *Turin Horse*—no rush, just vibes. “Everything’s gone to ruin,” that’s another line—feels like my back before the massage, all knotted up like a pretzel on crack. Then them hands hit ya—BAM!—and it’s like, “Oh shit, I’m alive!” Sometimes I’m layin’ there, thinkin’—is this legal? Is this porn? Nah, it’s art, baby! Art! Like Tarr’s long-ass shots, but with more moaning. Pro tip: don’t fart durin’ it—learned that the hard way, fam. Stank up the room, masseuse gave me the death stare—SURPRISED me how quick she flipped from zen to “get the fuck out!”

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Now, lemme spill: my fav local hangout is this quaint, kinda hidden spot – Chill & Thrill Park, right off Maple & 5th. Tbh, I'm a sucker for its peaceful energy. Sometimes I catch old timers jokin’ about the park’s ghost stories – haha, like come on, spooks? Pfft, just sweet memories swirlinglike echoes of Bond’s suave adventures. And let me tell ya, massage sessions here sometimes end with a walk by the park – therapy for the soul, bro.

Upper St. Clair battles past Norwin to win 1st WPIAL girls basketball title since '08