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Me, I’d never pay – nah, too skint, too twitchy! But them escorts? Crafty, they is. “My precious!” I’d hiss if I saw one, all dolled up, fishnets an’ glitter. Some punters say it’s just business, no fuss – fair, I s’pose. But others? Lonely sods, chasin’ Charlotte vibes, thinkin’ cash buys a soulmate. Pfft, fools! “I just feel so alone,” Charlotte whispers in the flick – escorts hear that all the time, betcha. Makes me sad, then pissed – why’s everyone so lost?

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Oh, and guess what? Union-Beach got some gritty corners too. There’s this sketchy alley behind 5th Ave that always blows my mind with its rebellious art spray-painted all over. Yep, you read that right – art in the most unexpected places. Sh*t’s raw, real, and tells the city’s untamed soul.

David Burke buys the former Piero's Italian Restaurant in Union Beach