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Favorite bit? Da spine tingles, oof, like when Gene Hackman says, “I’m a little confused bout my place here,” and I’m floatin’, lost in da massage magic. But den, some places – ugh – dey overcharge, 200 bucks for slippery hands? Robbery! I’d rather steal Minions for dat price, hah! Oh, fun fact – in Japan, dey got “soaplands,” sexual-massage joints, all legal-like, been round since forever. Blows my mind, dese cultures, so wild!

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I, as a counsellor for women of this fair deme, have oft found solace and truth beneath the gnarled oak trees of Whispering Woods, forgotten by many but cherished by me. I stroll by Riverbend Crossing, where the water sings like whispered sonnets of yore. Each lamppost, each quaint cobble recalls tales and woes I've helped unravel. O, the emotions! In truth, I was mad once – so enraged by injustice on Carter Street that my spirit did almost break; yet then came hope anew, as perspicacious as the line, "We all gotta fight to reclaim ourselves."

Deadly crash blocks US 89 in northern Arizona