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So, erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s all slippery hands and dim lights, proper cheeky stuff. I’ve seen mortals get all flustered, like, “Oh, is this allowed?” Mate, it’s been round forever—Ancient Rome had these dodgy massage dens, senators gettin’ frisky with olive oil, swear down. Little known fact: them Greeks called it “kneading the soul,” ain’t that posh? Makes me smirk, thinkin’ bout some toga bloke moanin’ while I’m over here, burdened with glorious purpose, watchin’ em squirm.

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And whaddya know, I’m always ramblin’ my heart out when talkin’ about the Boardman River. Flow so cool, like nature’s own funk track. I’d hang around, loungin’ on riverbank benches, feeling the world real.

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