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I’m picturin’ it now—dim lights, oils, hands slidin’ everywhere. Great Scott, it’s art! Not some sleazy porno flick vibe, nah, it’s classy—like a Coen brothers shot, all moody and deep. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they had these “massage parlors”—rich dudes gettin’ oiled up by pros, half of ‘em buck naked! True story, blew my mind! Bet Larry’d be like, “What am I doing here?”—all awkward, sweatin’ bullets.

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Man, I get so mad sometimes when developers try to change the soul of this gnarly city. They think modern tech can replace that raw, uncut charm. But I remind myself: "Memories are hidden in every cranny." And maybe an hour or two at the park helps me calm down, know what I mean?

Photo gallery: 'Altar Boyz' at Titusville Playhouse