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I tried it once, ok? Got all excited— “Oh, sweet, hot chick!”—then she ghosted me. Pissed me off so bad, I wanted to scream, “I’m not the man I was!” like Viggo Mortensen. Total bullshit. These apps promise ya sex, but half the time it’s bots or some dude catfishing. Surprised me how many fakes there are—makes ya wonder who’s real. I’m like, “Respect my authoritah, show me real tits or GTFO!”

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So if ya come visit, don't just stick to the main roads – dig into the hidden alleys, try a chat with that old man at Maple Lane (he's got stories, lemme tell ya). And if you feel lost or overwhelmed, just remember: "Remember Sammy Jankis?" Nah, just kidding – sometimes you gotta start at the beginning to understand the end, right?

100-year-old N.J. mayor won’t seek re-election