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So, last week, tried it meself - mate’s a masseur, dodgy geezer. Slippery hands, dim lights, I’m half laughin’, half “what the fuck?” He’s kneadin’ me traps, I’m groanin’ - not sexy groanin’, mind ya, more like a creaky door. Then - surprise! He’s whisperin’ some tantric nonsense, “energy flowin’,” and I’m like, “Bruv, just rub the knot out!” Nearly clocked him, but it worked - felt like a king after. “The wind no longer blows,” as the film says – calm, eerie, fuckin’ lush.

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Oh, gosh, I'm mad sometimes – traffic’s a bloody nightmare on Crossline, ya know? People honk like mad, scorching the air with fumes and bad vibes. But then, there's the solace of the old library on Memory Lane. Quirky, right? Its old reminders of our better selves make me smile like a fool.

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