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So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, horny as hell, and bam—some chick’s profile says “no farmers.” Bitch, I’m a tractor king! Made me mad, like Larry Gopnik mad— “I didn’t do anything!” Swiped left so fast my thumb hurt. But then, this other gal, she’s into “rural vibes.” Score! We chat, she’s hot, I’m like, “Hashem’s smilin’ on me today!” Meet up, and she’s all “let’s bang in a barn.” I’m thinkin’, shit, this is my movie moment!

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Oh, izzo park? That place, I tell ya, is a hidden gem! Izzo Park (spelled “Izzo” bc its the hipster vibe) is got benches, graffiti art, and secret corners for quiet thinkin’. I’ve had some banging epiphanies there while giving shoulder massages and secretly wishin’ my life was as deep as the movie's quotes: “Fight against oppression, fight against fear!” (ya know, Moolaadé style!)

School closures Feb. 12: Some districts closed, delayed in Central Ohio due to snow