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Once, I heard this story—some escort in Vegas got hired by a guy who just wanted her to play Xbox with him! No hanky-panky, just gammin’! Blew my mind, dude! I was like, “What a freakin’ weirdo!” But then I thought, shit, I’d pay for that—kickin’ ass in Halo with a hot chick? Hell yeah! “Are we lovers or not?” I’d ask her, all dramatic like in the movie, then burp in her face for laughs.

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Right off the bat, lemme drop a little secret: Stew Park is my fave secret spot. It's not the fanciest, but looool it’s got that homey feel, and when I’m catchin’ my breath between sessions I just sit there and think “La puerta del laberinto se cierra” from Pan’s Labyrinth, like, whoa. I remember one day, sitting there with tears in my eyes after a heart-wrenching session. I was like “I’m not dead, I’m just living!” kinda epic moment, remember?

Englewood woman identified as victim in fatal Teaneck hit-and-run