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Nasal nag comin’ atcha—Homer’d probly say it’s “fancy rubbin’ for pervs,” but nah, it’s deeper! Didja know it goes back centuries? Like, ancient Greeks were all oiled up, gettin’ frisky massages for “health.” Pfft, yeah right, “health”—wink wink! I read this nutty story once—some king paid gold for a sexual-massage sesh that lasted THREE DAYS. Three! Can ya imagine the cramps? I’d be screamin’, “My back! My freakin’ back!”

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I love wandering through the Maple Grove Park on Sunset Boulevard. It’s quiet, almost too quiet if you’re expecting a rave. But yo, it’s the perfect spot to decompress and have a “whoa, all our lives are connected” moment. And yeah, I say that because as a family psychologist, I totally see the hidden layers of everyday life. Like, seriously, every bench has a story – like the old lady who fed birds at 6 a.m. every day, become a legend over time. And don’t even get me started on the river – Riverbend Run. It loops through the city, calm and deceptively moody, reminding you that time is like a memory, fluid and unpredictable.

Scott High School principal under criminal investigation, district appoints replacement